By Amanda Rosler
Have you ever been virtually paralyzed by fear and insecurity? Have you ever felt as though any one of your weaknesses might bubble up to the surface and stand in the way of all the glorious plans that might be ahead of you?
That was me.
I had tried everything. Books, conversations, prayer, mentors, friends and even denial. My soul yearned to walk upright and confident in what God had called me to but my insecurities and lies that the enemy was speaking over me seemed to drown out any sense of peace and comfort that I was so earnestly seeking after. I felt like I was looking through a foggy window to a path that I knew God had laid out before me. However, my own insecurities kept me from being able to clear the fog from that window and take the steps that He had planned.
The insecurities that kept me from seeing through the fog were starting to take a toll on other aspects of my life. My friendships, marriage, work, ministry…. everything. I had begged, pleaded, bargained, planned and tried to work through it all but I just couldn’t get out of the fog. That is, until I was in the midst of what might have been a nonchalant conversation with a dear friend, that I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:8-10:
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
As I began to reflect on those verses it was as though the weight of all these years of insecurities were being lifted slightly from my burden weary shoulders. I say lifted slightly because I could absolutely still feel the weight but it was as though Jesus was now helping to carry the load. My friends, that’s because he was. He is! As ironic as it may sound to the rest of the world, the more insecurity that came over me, the more I allowed Him to carry. With the burden of my insecurities lifted from my shoulders it was as though it created room and momentum for the Holy Spirit to move, to speak through me and to calm my tired soul.
It’s not easy. Please don’t misunderstand me! Every opportunity I have to speak; whether it be in front of our church on Sunday nights or one on one with someone over coffee I feel that weakness begin to rise up but now I welcome that feeling! I welcome it because I know that it provides me the perfect opportunity to rely only on the grace of Jesus. For it is all that I need. It is all that any of us need.
Amanda has been married to her husband John for over 8 years and leads the crazy life of a Hotel General Manager in the Spokane Valley and Administrative Pastor of a great church plant in NE Spokane called Gateway Church. In her spare time, Amanda love to write, read, cycle and spend time with friends. The redemption that she has been given through Christ still completely humbles her and takes her breath away!! Amanda’s hope is that through words, photos or just loving people she can help share the truth and hope that comes from Him. You can find more blog by Amanda at Abiding Trust.
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