By Sherrie St. Hilaire
I’ll be honest. My life hasn’t been pretty lately, which may explain my absence here.
Presently, I’m sitting among a stand of fir trees and taking in beautiful Dickey Lake in northwestern Montana. The setting is perfect for woolgathering.
When life and relationships get messy, I tend to pull back and pull inside myself. My voice shrivels up along with any permission I feel I need in order to speak or to be seen or to belong. I hear and respond to the accusing voice in my head that condemns. Why should anyone listen to anything you have to say; you’re life is shaky at best?
My (sometimes) wonky, dilapidated life and perspective has driven me into hiding. Again. Pride and fear send me there. Again, the voice: After all, Miss Messy Pants, shouldn’t you be a little further along by now—shouldn’t you have this licked?
I’ve been here countless times before and thankfully, by God’s grace, I do manage to drag myself—or does He pick me up–back to the simple truth that often drives the seemingly beat-up truck of my life–and of this blog.
The Lord’s words spoken to an infirmity-beleaguered, conflict-riddled Paul give me courage. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
I lean heavily upon this promise as I return to the page and allow God to use my vulnerability and my transparency–some would say foolish, indiscreet openness–to invite others to look at their lives as well. Hopefully to become more inspired or encouraged.
I don’t think it’s too bombastic to say that we live in a time where isolation has never been more culturally prevalent. It may be a generalization but don’t we hide our stage 4-shame-ridden selves behind religious mantras and our social media status while we attempt to buy time to tidy up our real lives enough to actually engage in real time, with real people.
We’re afraid of being judged, uninvited, or rejected because our realities don’t quite measure up to the ideals we’ve adopted for ourselves, borrowed from the glossy pages of the picture-perfect examples plastered all around us.
We hide. We don’t connect. We don’t engage. And this incubates and spreads the virus of neglect in the body of Christ. Have we become so introspective that we can’t see past our own navels to the lives and needs of others? Ouch!
In the rare glimpses I am given into someone’s real-time life I often hear the don’t-judge-me-but… preface to their hesitant transparency and self-disclosures.
We desperately want to connect, we want to be in loving and nurturing community but we feel inadequate. Our messy cars, the unfolded laundry piled on our couches, the pastries we swear off and then order with our skinny lattes, our failures, our excesses, and our perceived deficiencies keep us confined to our privacy–and to our pain.
We say, I’ll crack the door open to my life but you have to promise not to judge or reject me because my life isn’t the way I want it to be and it sure doesn’t look anything like what I think everyone else’s life looks like.
All the naval gazing I’ve been doing lately has led me to think about humility. I guess you could say Jesus has teamed up with life and they’ve graciously handed me a not-so-free scholarship for another term in the school of Grace and Truth.
My human nature and some gray matter issues medical science has assigned a stigmatized label keep me in perpetual supply of humility-inducing opportunities. I don’t like it. In fact, I hate it! I often mount Self-sufficiency and try to outrun my own life and my reality. I try to overcome in my own power. I fail. Every time.
“When you think you stand, take heed lest ye fall.” (Doesn’t that sound more impactful in the King’s English?)
“God resists the proud (self-reliance and hubris) but gives grace to those humble in heart.”
When I get caught up in trying to please man or achieve man’s standards for acceptance, favor or approval, I know that I’m walking in pride. I know that humility has become a missing spoke on my wagon wheel. And I know I’m flirting with a religious spirit. And I’m terribly close to a face plant.
There’s a line in Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes that describes this propensity toward pride:
“The old wheel turns and the same spoke comes up.”
Pride is going to come up in our lives for as long as we breathe earth’s air. Only humility can displace it. Only humility allows us to see rightly.
We need grace.
I’ve determined that I cannot live in grace if I don’t walk in humility.
Two things are necessary for this sojourn we call our lives:
Grace-reliance and Humility-dependence.
- Humility gives us the receptors for grace—it allows us to receive the grace our insufficiency requires.
- Humility quiets our perfectionism and releases us from approval seeking.
- Humility opens the door to let others see into us.
- Humility keeps us from promoting ourselves and our purposes; it enables us to serve.
- Humility stifles our tendency to judge and our propensity toward cynicism.
Humility positions us rightly before God—it keeps us looking to Him as the Awe-inspiring recipient of our lives rather than the resource for our agendas.
We need grace.
My name is Sherrie St. Hilaire, COG, MOA. You may not recognize my credentials. They were obtained through forty-four years of walking with Jesus through dark nights, dry deserts, and deep sorrows; and sometimes through hell itself. What God has taught me He has asked me to share. I love to meet women at their point of need and encourage them through life’s hard places. I openly share my life to the glory of God. I hope you’ll find my words and blog to be a hospitable place to rest your travel-wearied soul. My hope is to lay down grace-words that offer hope, kindle encouragement, provide comfort and ultimately glorify God. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, child of God (CoG) and minister of availability (MoA)—I am humbly and gratefully His! You can find more blogs from Sherrie, on her blog Grace Grips.
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