By Denise Vaughan
I think my southern roots may be coming out in this blog post title 🙂 I am writing a blog post that I think has probably been inside me for quite some time, but to be honest, I didn’t want to write it. I guess I didn’t want to write it for a couple reasons…1.) I really don’t want to be the poster girl for Christian Single Women in America 2.) I think most people that read my blog are NOT Christian singles. 3.) It is such a personal area for me to write about that it takes a certain amount of courage to hit “publish” on this one.
If you are a Christian single woman, this blog post is definitely for you, but if you are a parent, a pastor, a ministry leader, a friend or a family member that has influence in the life of the next generation of females, then I would appreciate a couple minutes of your time as well.
I think I spent most of my life believing the cute cliché’s that are told to many young women who have grown up in church culture. They sound nice…but, boy are they a set up for major disappointment and disillusionment. I have heard hundreds, if not more over the years whether it be someone forwarding me an email, sharing their well intended feelings on my singleness, posting on Facebook, almost every single Christian young lady has a Pinterest board dedicated to this stuff!
Some examples, if you’re not quite sure, what I’m talking about…
“Dance with God and He will let the perfect man cut in.” I say HOGWASH!! It sounds nice and you could put it on a wall hanging in your college dorm room easy enough, but its wrong, wrong, wrong! My wall plaque, is not nearly as catchy and would take a much larger piece of wood to fit it all on, but it would read something like this…”Dance with God and He may have an imperfect man (because that is the only type of human that exists) sent your way. This imperfect, but godly man will have his own vibrant relationship with Jesus and therefore, loves and supports your dance time with your first love and doesn’t try to cut in on it.” Get my point?
Oh, how about this one? The things we say to make ourselves feel better. I’ve had a couple friends that love me greatly send me this one…“Don’t worry if you’re still single. God is looking at you right now saying, I’m saving this girl for someone special.”
To be honest, this next one, kinda ticks me off a little…”When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person, under the right circumstances.” Certainly relationships are a responsibility, especially if you intend to see them through, however, my lack of a relationship is not an indicator of my responsibility level. In addition, this message again affirms the dangerous mentality that if I behave in such a way, then God will do this or that. Not how it works! If you think it is, you are headed for disappointment big time!
I feel I would’ve been better served and many young women today would be better served by hearing these messages:
- You are worth more than this world comprehends.
- You are complete in Christ. He makes you enough! There is no waiting on a man, a certain a moment, a particular achievement. He’s called you, He’s equipped you, so Fly!
- Sometimes you don’t get what you want and it hurts! God knows hurt, God knows loss, God knows sacrifice, run to Him with the pain not away from Him. This journey we are on with Him is one of faith of trust and ultimately that means, I say, “God I don’t understand why not me, but I know you love me and I trust you to do what’s best for me” and surrender and I pray that prayer as frequently as I need to.
- I am loved! Maybe not in the ways I imagined for my life with a husband and family, but I am loved and complete in Him.
Singleness is not what I would’ve picked for my life, it’s not what I wanted, but even the unwanted circumstances of life can be a gift when we surrender them to God. I have a God who loves me beyond my ability to comprehend and friends and family that love and support me in countless ways.
The truth is this…there is no human on earth who can or will complete me (and all married people said “Amen”). God has a plan for my life and it is GOOD. He has equipped me and I am made complete in Him! I am determined to pursue God wholeheartedly and if by chance a man who loves Jesus shows up on the scene, BONUS! All that other stuff, shake it off, cause it’s just plain ole HOGWASH!!
Denise Vaughan has ministered over the years as a worship leader, women’s ministries leader, speaker, and writer. Denise is currently putting her vulnerability to practice and writing her first book regarding her personal weight loss journey. Check out Denise’s insights at www.neeserisms.com.
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