Last week on the Imperfect Wives LIVE show we had a great discussion about Knights and Kings – what makes a woman feel security in her marriage. This week, we felt we owed it to our men to talk about what they want in a relationship. Here are my reflections on this week’s show.
What makes your man feel secure?
Respect. Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Scripture is clear that husband’s need a wives respect just as much as a wife needs her husband’s love. Even if you don’t think your husband desires respect in a particular area of your marriage, remember – people become who you believe them to be. Treat him like the man God wants him to be and watch your relationship change.
Words of affirmation. Every year in the marriage series at our church, our pastor reminds us that men are basically insure. Maybe they seem macho on the outside but on the inside, they wonder if they are good enough. Are they good enough providers, are they good enough fathers, husbands, lovers etc…Your words of affirmation (even on the small stuff) will go a long ways to building trust and intimacy in your relationship.
Men need intimacy. Even though a men’s motivation for intimacy can seem quite different than a woman’s Shaunti Feldhahn’s research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted.
Men want romance but express it differently. An invitation to watch a football game may be your husband’s idea of romance. That doesn’t mean he want you to sit next to him on your phone or reading a book. He genuinely wants to share the experience with you.
Men want a like-minded woman. In other words, men want a women who doesn’t argue or disagree with everything they say. Proverbs 21:9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Being a like-minded woman shows your husband respect and will bond your marriage together.
Men want a women who is interested and invested in his hobbies and passions. Think about how you acted when you dated. Now consider how you act now. Do you find his hobbies an inconvenience or are you excited for them?
Men care about their wives appearance. This is going to ruffle some feathers, but it is true. Men are not looking for a super model, they are looking for a woman who cares for herself; a woman who has self-worth enough to honor her body as a temple of God. First Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” One of my favorite quotes by Rosalind Russell shows another way to improve our appearance: “Taking joy in living is a woman’s best cosmetic.”
Men want their wives to know they love them. In the book, For women only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men, by Shaunti Feldman, the number one thing men want their wives to know is that they love them. But many times, they do not know how to express their love the way a wife will receive it.
Wives, in the end, your husband does not want Barbie OR Wonder Woman. He wants you. Proverbs 12:4 says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown…” Don’t stop believing that you are your husband’s crown!